Depression: how to support someone in need
by Bea Walker / May 2023
How to support someone you know struggling with depression.
According to the most recent study from the National Institute of Mental Health, 17% of Americans between the ages of 18-25 have experienced some form of depression. Considering that this study was done a few years ago, I have to admit I’m a bit concerned about what the new statistical data reports will look like now. As a society, we are all still collectively feeling the effects of the pandemic, navigating economic uncertainty, financial setbacks, and many other personal responsibilities and problems. It’s glaringly apparent that many people are feeling the effects mentally and emotionally.
Not to mention we now have the ability to receive frequent and instant updates from social media alerting us to when someone has unexpectedly passed away or taken their own life because they were silently losing their battle with depression. What’s even more difficult to grasp is how it always seems to come as such a shock. No one was aware that their friend, family member, or partner was struggling that much, and the response is always the same, “I had no idea, they seemed fine, I wish I would've known, or I didn’t know how to help.” We as a collective need to do better. Although you won’t be able to fix or solve the person's problems, or even truly understand what they are dealing with internally, there are ways you can support someone you know who is struggling with depression.
Recognize the signs
Someone with depression may exhibit the following types of behavior:
Lose interest in work, hobbies, and their personal life
Frequently expresses feelings of negativity and hopelessness
Sleeps more or less than usual
Becomes abnormally introverted, doesn’t leave the house or go out
Changes in their diet, eating more or less than usual
Changes in weight, excessive gain or loss
2. Start a conversation
Expressing interest and letting someone know you are there to talk can go a long way. Avoid any judgmental comments, or negative implications about what they are going through. Initial conversation starters can sound something like:
“What can I do to help you right now?”
“Did something happen that is making you feel this way?”
“You are important to me and you are not alone, I’m here.”
3. Check in
Typically when someone experiences depression they begin to isolate themselves. Sending a text, or calling to check in and say hi and ask them how they are doing is always a good way to start. If someone is being unresponsive, maybe let them know you are in the neighborhood, or close by and would love to see them.
4. Have food delivered to their house
I can attest to this personally as I’ve struggled with bouts of depression that cooking is the LAST thing someone who is depressed wants to do. Everything feels 100x more difficult, and the energy to want to take care of oneself is just not there, so ordering someone breakfast, lunch, or dinner from Postmates or whatever food delivery service you prefer, or even offering to come over and cook is a small yet incredibly meaningful gesture.
5. Offer to come over to help with chores
Again people who are experiencing a bout of depression may have difficulties maintaining daily tasks. Doing things like cooking, cleaning the dishes, laundry, walking their dog, tidying up, or any task that may seem minor can feel almost impossible and will be avoided.
6. Watch a funny movie together
If talking with the person about it directly doesn’t make you feel comfortable, you could offer to spend time by watching a funny, light-hearted movie together. Sometimes just having someone nearby and sharing space without having to talk can also be very helpful and supportive.
7. Encourage them to seek help from a therapist or other mental health professional.
The best thing you can do for a person who is depressed is to continually encourage them to talk to someone who can help them assess why they are feeling the way they are feeling. Let them know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and someone like a therapist can assist them with the process so they don’t feel like they have to do it on their own.
8. Offer to pay for a therapy session
Since there is still a bit of a stigma about going to therapy, someone with depression may be hesitant to start therapy, or they may not even have the energy to look for help. Offering to look for and to set them up with a therapist may give them a little push to get things going.
9. Remember it’s not your job to fix them
One of the most important things to understand is that you cannot fix them or their situation and to not take things personally. They may not be able to show up as the friend or partner you need to them be, but remember that during this time they can barely even show up for themselves. The only thing you can do is offer them compassion, kindness, and support in whatever way you feel most comfortable doing so.
No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician*